Gentle June

God romances you with a love that is personal and real. I know this because I’ve been seeing his love all around me, for me. He’s been loving me with the green pastures; pink evening skies; the deer and her twin fawns frolicking in the field; a hedge of black-eyed susans—all the things of his creation that I am so fond of. I am convinced He loves me.

I choose His way for me because it is a life of beauty, despite, despite, despite.

Gentle June, although it’s been quite warm these last weeks. Everything is showing signs of the heat—brittle brown and dry. Even our airconditioned house is struggling to keep cool. The bathroom is the coldest place these days. I do love to sit outside in the grass late afternoons and sweat. I am grounding myself.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m an ocean away from people, being unable to hear everything they say as if I’m too deep in the water. I am disconnected from relationships. This morning after church let out especially—watching people connect so easily—it was as if I didn’t really exist. Am I withdrawing myself from the summer hurry and heat? What is God asking of me in this space?

I loved the sermon I heard though. I enjoy morning services; I am most awake and receptive then.

We were swishing around in the tall grass this afternoon with our friends at the place we are hoping to live at and we discovered wild grape vines growing high around the trunks of the pines. There are also apple and pear trees. The black raspberries are coming into fruition, but I think the birds are enjoying the results more than I ever will. Everything grows in a ravine and the bank is steep. Hopefully we’ll be able to level out some of the land. My husband told me this will be a good time to climb trees if I want the grapes.

I am trying my oven at roasting cabbage again. The last time I hadn’t left them in the heat long enough or turned them over halfway. I hope to receive better results this time. I also added sweet potato slices and onions. I will leave them in the fridge overnight to marinate in the juices and they should be ready for eating tomorrow.

Last week I went into work at 3 in the morning and it was delightful. I clocked out at 7:30. I think I will try it again sometime. It really helps to have an espresso machine there, and sometimes if I have a small leftover roll of bread dough I make cinnamon rolls. I like working in the bakery by myself.

I am happy to be alive. I am happy all the laundry is washed. I am happy that my smashburgers turn out. I am happy for the pink skies and forehead kisses. I am happy to be in this space with all of you even though I am not generating anything because existence matters. I am happy you exist.

Blessings.